By  Bibi Ayesha Wadvalla      Freelance Journalist

The road to forbidden love is an easy one, but the path to real love requires strength that is enduring. Carmelita and Uthmaan epitomize this true love. Born in Argentina, they live in Egypt where they have made their home for the past six years.

Carmelita is a gentle, timid woman while Uthmaan is overflowing with energy. With his long, shoulder-length curly locks and big beard, he is a striking image. Carmelita's sweet smile and demeanor complement Uthmaan. Many people spend their lives searching for that "perfect" partner, their soul mate. They drift from relationship to relationship, always searching but not quite finding.

Uthmaan

"There is no such thing as a perfect relationship," says Uthmaan. "All there is, is a lot of effort and faith." With Argentina's Muslim population being less than 1 percent, Uthmaan knew from the time he was small that it was going to be a mean feat finding a good Muslim wife. Most of Argentina's Muslims have their roots in Syria, Palestine, or Jordan. Both Uthmaan and Carmelita have Syrian blood from one grandparent.

Unfortunately, many of these immigrants married non-Muslim women, had church marriages, and raised their children without Islam. Uthmaan's uncle was one of these men, and he faced many problems in his marriage. Thus, from when Uthmaan was a chico, little boy, his grandmother instilled in him that he should only marry a Muslim girl. But when he was 8,he fell in love. The girl he loved was Jewish. His love was unrequited, but from it he learned the most important lesson in love. "I loved her for one year, but she kept refusing me. Then she chose a boy who looked just like me. In fact, we were alike in every way, and people often mistook us for the other. The difference was that he was fully Argentine. I realized that one's heart is like crystal. One must care for it properly, because if one gives it away and it breaks, it cannot ever be mended," he explained.

So when his friends and family tumbled into relationships, he kept away from this way of life, wanting only to give his heart to the woman he would marry. It was difficult to hold on to these values in a predominantly non-Muslim society, but when he was 13 Uthmaan came into contact with the Jamaate-Tablighi, which has its origins in the Indian subcontinent. He joined them, and their thinking inspired him to strengthen himself as a Muslim. At the age of 21 he had never been involved in any relationship and left for Saudi Arabia where he was to study. He returned to Argentina when 24, looking for a wife.

Carmelita

Carmelita had two unmarried aunts who lived with her family. Unlike many other Argentines with part Arab blood, she was not taught that Arab traditions were Islam. Her aunts had been taught true Islam by their father and imparted this knowledge to Carmelita. She grew up with the rituals of praying and fasting being norms in her life. Her father sent her to a girls' Catholic school where he thought she would be spared moral corruption. However, Carmelita was unhappy there. "I was Muslim and the other girls made it difficult for me," she sighs. She moved to a public secondary school where her friends respected her beliefs. "When I visited them at their homes, they would not serve pork or alcohol," comments Carmelita. She, too, did not get involved in relationships before marriage. At 24 she got engaged, but it lasted for only 15 days. In a country where Muslims are scarce, her fiancé was non-Muslim.

Early Meetings

When Uthmaan returned to Argentina, he searched in vain for a practicing Muslim woman for a wife. He started teaching at a school where a non-Muslim female colleague understood Islam better than most Muslims he had come across. He spoke to a sheikh, who said it was permissible for him to marry this woman, as her beliefs were upright. But Uthmaan could not forget his grandmother's words. Nevertheless, "I proposed to her," said Uthmaan. But she wanted to have a long relationship first. They compromised and got engaged, during which it was established that she would convert to Islam. Two years passed, and although she loved him dearly, she could not bring herself to convert. They parted.

The sheikh then introduced him to Carmelita. They had only four meetings until Uthmaan proposed. However, Carmelita declined, for she was still pining for her exfiancé . "I explained to Carmelita, 'The way to marriage in Islam is quite cold, and devoid of passion, which comes after marriage,'" commented Uthmaan.

But she was firm in her decision. He then left for Egypt to pursue his studies. Every year, he would return home during the summer holidays and his search for a wife would continue. "I didn't want to marry a non-Argentine woman because of the translation I had read of the Qur'anic injunction which says [Marry the believing women from amongst yourselves](An-Nur 24:32). I had understood this to mean that I shouldn't marry outside my culture. It wasn't until later that I discovered the correct meaning was 'Marry those among you who are single.' At that time I wondered 'How could I marry a woman from another country knowing that Argentine Muslim women would have to marry non-Muslim men if Muslim Argentine men married out?'" Uthmaan said.

Then he met somebody. They met once and got engaged. During one phone conversation, she mentioned she was going to the beach to sunbathe so she could look beautiful and tanned. Uthmaan asked her how it was possible for her to tan her body when she was covered. She replied she'd wear a bikini. This shocked him, and he realized the girl and her family did not possess the moral fiber he had thought they did. Thus the engagement was broken off.

Second Thoughts

During this time, Carmelita's feelings for Uthmaan changed. "My cousin went to visit his (Uthmaan's) grandmother, who said she prays continuously for Uthmaan and I to marry. Then I could not get him out of my mind!" exclaimed Carmelita. So she sent word to say she was interested. But Uthmaan was once bitten, twice shy. "I was not going to propose to her again," laughed Uthmaan. "Yes, he wanted me to approach him, which I was not going to do," said the shy Carmelita. During his next visit home, she invited him to her family home. But Uthmaan had manly pride and asked instead that she come to the Islamic lessons he was giving. She didn't go.

His search continued. An Egyptian businessman then went to Argentina and met Uthmaan's family. He told them he had an Egyptian woman for Uthmaan who wanted to marry him without even having seen him. Uthmaan said he would agree to marry this woman on condition that he first undertake one last search for an Argentine Muslim wife. His brother proposed on his behalf to a young woman in the community. The family said they would give an answer after a week, but they didn't. Uthmaan prepared to marry the Egyptian woman.

Then the sheikh passed away. Uthmaan and Carmelita's families met at the funeral. Her family invited his family home, where his brother fell for Carmelita! Uthmaan's mother then approached Carmelita, but she said she wanted to marry Uthmaan. His brother acquiesced, and finally, four years after their initial meeting, Carmelita and Uthmaan married.

Life Commitment

One week later, she left with him to start a new life in Egypt. "I felt as though we were connected like family," said Carmelita, smiling. Uthmaan echoed her thoughts. Their union is a strong one based on strong Islamic values. Each respects the other, and treats them the way our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended. The deep love they share is evident in their tender expressions when they look at each other. This is also evident when Uthmaan pours drinks and serves Carmelita before he serves himself.

Their first fight was difficult, they admit. They had no escape route — they were committed for life. But it was Islam that they turned to for help, and which they continue to turn to whenever there are problems in their life. "There is no such thing as a perfect marriage or a perfect partner," reiterated Uthmaan. Carmelita added, "If we have an argument, all one of us has to do is quote from Hadith or Qur'an, and the argument ends."

Uthmaan finds it ironic that in Egypt, more young people are adopting Western-type relationships when searching for a partner. But in Argentina, people are turning to the Islamic method. They are adamant that if a person remains true to their principles, makes their intention of marriage for the pleasure of Allah, and asks Allah for a good partner, then surely they will be rewarded. "Each day I thank Allah for giving me the wife I asked for," says Uthmaan.

Uthmaan mentions too that poverty should not be feared. When he married, he was a student and was worried how he would pay for the walimah and plane ticket to Egypt for Carmelita. But Allah provided.

Six years on, their marriage gains in strength. They have three beautiful daughters and urge people to stick to the path of Allah to experience the bliss of a happy marriage.

Source : http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1165994406491&pagename=Zone-English-Youth%2FYTELayout

Bibi Ayesha Wadvallais a Biomedical Science student, a freelance journalist and an active youth worker in South Africa. She can be contacted at youth_campaign@iolteam.net